Dawn's Digression.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Can you keep a secret? I mean a big one. You can't tell anyone. I've been watching So You Think You Can Dance. I've learned quite a bit. I've learned I don't care for contemporary dance. In the least. *yawn* And my lord, have you seen Martha's legs? Great Scott. My favorite is Dimitri. Dead freakin' sexy. Washboard stomach. And why am I acting like anyone else watches this crap?
I wrote all kinds of stuff on my hand last night that I was going to blog about, but it's pretty much gone now, and I can't make much of it out.
I think I can make out 'nothing' on my hand, which I think is for "What if everything we have adds up to nothing?". IG lyric. You must be shocked. Come On Home If I remember correctly, this song is about enabling, but here's what I was looking at:
Just come on home, the team you're hitched to has a mind of its own
But it's just the forces of your past you've fought before
Don't you recognize them anymore
I'm stacking sandbags against the river of your troubles.
There's the given and the expected
I count my blessings while I eye what I've neglected
Is this for better is this for worse
You're all jammed up and the dam's about to burst.
I hear the owl in the night
I realize that some things never are made right
By some will we string together here
Days to months and months to years
What if everything we have adds up to nothing.
As though you are still reading.... I'll use myself as an example. Easier to type that way. So, let's pretend I have a partner with a problem. This issue is leading my partner on a journey without me. Someplace I cannot go. But, here I am enabling by helping her ignore the problem. I'm thinking I'm determined to stick through it. For better for worse. I'll just keeping stacking those sandbags she isn't going to confront the problem head on. What if I spend all this time trying to make it work and masking the real issues just to find it all adds up to nothing?
I think I was thinking too much yesterday. :) Ya think?
Back to the hand. Something that starts with a W. Oh, I think that is Winter by Tori Amos. (I was listening to pod on the way to school.) I really like the line "He said, 'When you gonna make up your mind? When you gonna love you as much as I do?'" Me likey. Lots of us fail to love ourselves as much as others love us. How come? I know that I have this issue at times. I've been feeling unworthy lately. I get confused sometimes as to why others love me when I don't always love me. I freakin' piss myself off and annoy the shit out of myself. I feel myself to be an obnoxious brat at times. I'm not going to say anything else about that because I think it would be a negative thing to do and would only tear me down. I think about it, though.
Let's see what other song I wrote on my hand. haha Oh. This one is says "Lee". Lee had a doing away thing at the lesbian bar Sunday night. It was very sad. I'm not going through the whole Lee thing because I've already done it a million times. I feel in my heart she is not gone. I cried like a big weenie when I said goodbye to her. She said I was the only one that cried and that everyone else was all, "Okay! See ya, Lee!" Not me, I'm hugging her, crying, and telling her repeatedly that I love her. Tracy commented that she had never seen me cry. That is because I am a cold, callous bitch, people. :D This is overly dramatic, but I've been a little conditioned to not show too much of that crying crap around my other half. Well, I can cry like a baby as long as I don't mind being called a drama queen. So, I guess that isn't true.
(Yay! Intervention is on and I've taken ambien. SCORE!)
I'm dogless tonight thanks to the love of my Tracy. She came and got Frank. I'm not sure really why. I did have a bad work day and she mentioned I might need to get wasted or something. However, I'm actually fine. I will say it is great to not have to watch him 24/7 though. I love that critter, but lordy he makes me tired. Wouldn't trade him. Don't mean to confuse!
I wrote all kinds of stuff on my hand last night that I was going to blog about, but it's pretty much gone now, and I can't make much of it out.
I think I can make out 'nothing' on my hand, which I think is for "What if everything we have adds up to nothing?". IG lyric. You must be shocked. Come On Home If I remember correctly, this song is about enabling, but here's what I was looking at:
Just come on home, the team you're hitched to has a mind of its own
But it's just the forces of your past you've fought before
Don't you recognize them anymore
I'm stacking sandbags against the river of your troubles.
There's the given and the expected
I count my blessings while I eye what I've neglected
Is this for better is this for worse
You're all jammed up and the dam's about to burst.
I hear the owl in the night
I realize that some things never are made right
By some will we string together here
Days to months and months to years
What if everything we have adds up to nothing.
As though you are still reading.... I'll use myself as an example. Easier to type that way. So, let's pretend I have a partner with a problem. This issue is leading my partner on a journey without me. Someplace I cannot go. But, here I am enabling by helping her ignore the problem. I'm thinking I'm determined to stick through it. For better for worse. I'll just keeping stacking those sandbags she isn't going to confront the problem head on. What if I spend all this time trying to make it work and masking the real issues just to find it all adds up to nothing?
I think I was thinking too much yesterday. :) Ya think?
Back to the hand. Something that starts with a W. Oh, I think that is Winter by Tori Amos. (I was listening to pod on the way to school.) I really like the line "He said, 'When you gonna make up your mind? When you gonna love you as much as I do?'" Me likey. Lots of us fail to love ourselves as much as others love us. How come? I know that I have this issue at times. I've been feeling unworthy lately. I get confused sometimes as to why others love me when I don't always love me. I freakin' piss myself off and annoy the shit out of myself. I feel myself to be an obnoxious brat at times. I'm not going to say anything else about that because I think it would be a negative thing to do and would only tear me down. I think about it, though.
Let's see what other song I wrote on my hand. haha Oh. This one is says "Lee". Lee had a doing away thing at the lesbian bar Sunday night. It was very sad. I'm not going through the whole Lee thing because I've already done it a million times. I feel in my heart she is not gone. I cried like a big weenie when I said goodbye to her. She said I was the only one that cried and that everyone else was all, "Okay! See ya, Lee!" Not me, I'm hugging her, crying, and telling her repeatedly that I love her. Tracy commented that she had never seen me cry. That is because I am a cold, callous bitch, people. :D This is overly dramatic, but I've been a little conditioned to not show too much of that crying crap around my other half. Well, I can cry like a baby as long as I don't mind being called a drama queen. So, I guess that isn't true.
(Yay! Intervention is on and I've taken ambien. SCORE!)
I'm dogless tonight thanks to the love of my Tracy. She came and got Frank. I'm not sure really why. I did have a bad work day and she mentioned I might need to get wasted or something. However, I'm actually fine. I will say it is great to not have to watch him 24/7 though. I love that critter, but lordy he makes me tired. Wouldn't trade him. Don't mean to confuse!
Dawn, 9:22 PM
