Dawn's Digression.

Thanks to the person sitting next to me in Cognitive Psych, I am now configured for wireless access in class. You know what this means? It means I sit here and do whatever it is I would have been doing at home anyway. Like blog.

There is something I've been meaning to blog about, but now that I have time to do it, I can't remember what it is. I'm sure that whatever it was, it was deep and meaningful. Just sure of it.

New rule. Someone is required to be online Monday nights to entertain me through this class. Is this too much to ask?

The VC Andrews book is not good. I can't make it through it, and I'm refusing to read ANYTHING else until I do so. As a result, I haven't been reading anything at all. I suppose I should give up. I'll just feel like such a traitor throwing in the towel. I suppose I should have quit reading that trash years ago. Perhaps I should move on to the juicy lesbian novel Suzy influenced me to buy.

I haven't busted Michele reading this lately, so either she's gotten crafty or knocked it off. I'm not sure why I have such an issue with her digging around in my blog; it's actually very stupid.

Last weekend, I was hanging out with one of Ruby's friends after we had gotten Ruby and Jessica to bed. I was sitting on the couch with her and she said some things to me that really shocked me. I can't remember word for word, thanks to the ASC, but I do know she said she thinks of me as a very strong woman and that she admires me. I hope I didn't give her a funky look because I was really shocked to hear this. How can that be someone's opinion of me? I'm one french fry short of a happy meal. I'm sure she knows that it took me forever to leave, since I was moved out when I saw her last year as well. It just struck me. I wonder what my definition of a strong woman is? Do I not think I'm strong because I got myself into that situation in the first place? Because I trusted when I shouldn't have?

Digress: And speaking of trust..... I still trust. What is up with that? You'd think I'd learn, but I don't seem to have as many trust issues as I thought. Perhaps I am well medicated? Medication can't fix everything, so I'm not sure that can be it. This makes me think I'm a dumbass. Or not. I had some reason for not trusting Michele besides the drinking. I caught her in several lies, but didn't call her on it. I took note of these things. I didn't think for one moment she would cheat on me. That's not her style. It is her style, however, to believe something isn't a lie based on a technicality. For example....perhaps a technicality that we weren't 'together', but 'hanging out'. It can't possibly be cheating if you're not together, right? Mmm Hmmm. Now, I'm not saying this is necessarily something that occured. Just an example of a technicality. Which, BTW.....how long were we hanging out, anyway? Great Scott. We met in July. Had lunch in September... The next August, we went to San Francisco, but were STILL hanging out. Um. Hunh? Yes, I'm obviously bothered by this. I want to know why my self esteem was so low that I coached her that I would accept that type of treatment. Very sad.

Anyhoo, in an effort to tie that together.....If I am a strong person now, I was not then. Proof that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Hear me roar. Or not.

Why isn't anyone online? I'm dying here!