Dawn's Digression.
Friday, January 27, 2006
"In my lifetime, I'm still not right" Emily Saliers
This may shock you, but I swear, I am so frackin' dramatic sometimes. Take a moment to get up off the floor after your faint.
I'll wait.
You know, you could at least pretend to be shocked.
So, I'm sitting here with my new spouse, the iPod, and Epiphany comes on and I suddenly get sad as hell and all teary eyed. Oy. *rolls eyes* WTF. I never want to forget what desperation and wanting to die feel like. I feel very strongly that I will experience the horrible downs for the rest of my life. However, remembering the bad times makes me appreciate every moment that I am happy. I feel a little like the sadness was 'given' to me so that I would learn to appreciate the good. Otherwise, how would I appreciate the positive in my life? This must be a lesson I didn't learn in my past lives. I didn't learn to appreciate. I'm going to get it this time. It has apparently taken a huge kick in the ass and a crapload of medication. Whatever I had to do, I am incredibly thankful. I think my soul is becoming more peaceful and 'whole' , if you will by the day. (Or actually, even if you won't.) I may achieve Moksha, yet.
Oh, gosh. I just had a bizarre moment of religious thought. What if.....
The thought of Moksha is actually just another step to the Christian or Jewish realization of God? Nobody knows how you get there. Hmm. I gotta think about this. Maybe I have a young soul. Of course, I refuse to believe this. ;) Who wouldn't? Have you ever met someone that you felt was a young soul that had a long way to go? I have. It's not that I thought I was 'better' or 'more advanced' than this person...Just that I thought a lot of soul-searching was yet to be done. Once, when I was tripping I had an amazing moment of clarity. I'm sorry, but in my mind, tripping was always an experience in clarity. Anyway, I remember laying on the bed and all the sudden I said something such as, "OMG, I'm old. I've been around a long time and I can't get it right." This could very well be all BS. But it doesn't matter if this is my perception. It can be BS all day....Doesn't change my perception. I forgot my point. Figures. Something about the possibility of one religion leading to another. For some inexplicable obnoxious reason, religion has been on my mind a lot lately. It'll be interesting to see where this leads me. Or doesn't lead me. Something like that. What I do know is that most religions are based on the same basic notions, and I subscribe to them. Harm done. Golden Rule. Then there is three-fold, which is pretty much the same as karma.
I think too much.
I'll wait.
You know, you could at least pretend to be shocked.
So, I'm sitting here with my new spouse, the iPod, and Epiphany comes on and I suddenly get sad as hell and all teary eyed. Oy. *rolls eyes* WTF. I never want to forget what desperation and wanting to die feel like. I feel very strongly that I will experience the horrible downs for the rest of my life. However, remembering the bad times makes me appreciate every moment that I am happy. I feel a little like the sadness was 'given' to me so that I would learn to appreciate the good. Otherwise, how would I appreciate the positive in my life? This must be a lesson I didn't learn in my past lives. I didn't learn to appreciate. I'm going to get it this time. It has apparently taken a huge kick in the ass and a crapload of medication. Whatever I had to do, I am incredibly thankful. I think my soul is becoming more peaceful and 'whole' , if you will by the day. (Or actually, even if you won't.) I may achieve Moksha, yet.
Oh, gosh. I just had a bizarre moment of religious thought. What if.....
The thought of Moksha is actually just another step to the Christian or Jewish realization of God? Nobody knows how you get there. Hmm. I gotta think about this. Maybe I have a young soul. Of course, I refuse to believe this. ;) Who wouldn't? Have you ever met someone that you felt was a young soul that had a long way to go? I have. It's not that I thought I was 'better' or 'more advanced' than this person...Just that I thought a lot of soul-searching was yet to be done. Once, when I was tripping I had an amazing moment of clarity. I'm sorry, but in my mind, tripping was always an experience in clarity. Anyway, I remember laying on the bed and all the sudden I said something such as, "OMG, I'm old. I've been around a long time and I can't get it right." This could very well be all BS. But it doesn't matter if this is my perception. It can be BS all day....Doesn't change my perception. I forgot my point. Figures. Something about the possibility of one religion leading to another. For some inexplicable obnoxious reason, religion has been on my mind a lot lately. It'll be interesting to see where this leads me. Or doesn't lead me. Something like that. What I do know is that most religions are based on the same basic notions, and I subscribe to them. Harm done. Golden Rule. Then there is three-fold, which is pretty much the same as karma.
I think too much.
Dawn, 1:43 AM
