Dawn's Digression.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Class Blew Chunks
Class sucked. Sucked bad. So, no I have to decide if I want to write 12 page report for an elective or take math. Wow. What a friggin' decision. The thought of writing a 12 page report on religion does not sound like a good idea at all. I was a little disturbed not to see any earth-centered religions on the syllabus. How does one go about ignoring Paganism, Shamanism, Wicca, etc? Excuse me? *sigh* I know, poor, poor me.
I wrote ya'll a note in class. We'll see if I get around to scanning it.
OMG. Guess what! My 'skinny' jeans fit today. No shit! Down a size. Until my water-rentention sets in, anyway. I shall just enjoy the moment. I [heart] atkins. Yes, I will die if I continue it for very long, but I shall die happy and thin(ner). Whatevah. Cholesterol is not a problem I have. It seems one of the few! haha
I had a mini-breakdown yesterday. It was funky. I was talking to Suzy and Tracy and all the sudden I just started crying. I didn't feel anything, I just started crying. OY. Not good. I called Suzy and she was all, "WTF?! I've never heard of this!" Rachel had just said something to her a day or so ago about me being manic. I have a feeling the Dr. appt set me off a little. It is scary for me when I'm happy. I know that sounds stupid, but unless you are pretty familiar with manic-depressive, you probably don't know what I'm talking about. Complete fear. Fear of losing control, fear of making more mistakes. Fear of the depression that may follow. Happiness has never come without serious repercussions for me. (Shoot. I got up to get a tomato and forgot my thought process.) The happiness that I know right now terrifies me in a way. Don't get me wrong, I totally embrace it. I'm happy for it. I don't sit around wondering when the downswing will hit. I guess at that particular moment it hit me. I was telling Suzy, "Call Rachel and tell her to fix." I love all my friends. But I swear, Rach is the only one that gets this. If you get it, for Pete's sake, tell me. Because I feel all stupid and alone when it hits. OH, and let's not forget dramatic. Another of my trigger words.
Have I mentioned I really dig the new Sheryl Crow CD? I haven't listened to the words, but I really dig the groove. I replaced Rod Stewart with her. I'm sure I already said that. Sorry.
Hey, yo! Did I mention I'm going to see Gretchen Wilson in concert next week? She is da bomb, yo. I love her! I'm in some kind of country funk these days, but that is okay. I still know my true love is IG. I love them. And maybe one day I'll finish that scrapbook I started 6 years ago. Or maybe not.
Fading fast, folks. Xanax and LIIT. I have 3 more refills of xanax and none on Ambien, so I gotta chill on Ambien. I'll call the Dr. in a month or two and beg for more drugs. It'll be fun.
Somebody asked me the other day if I will be able to take my crazy meds when I'm trying to have children. The answer is no. No to the Trileptal, which is the miracle drugs of all drugs. The drug that keeps me from downward spirals and from razor blades. (Oh! That was dramatic. My bad.) I believe I can still take Prozac, but I won't. I know this isn't a bridge I need to cross now, but I think about it every single day. There's nothing to be done about it except enjoy every moment of happiness and peace I have now. Hopefully, I will not be alone, and my partner will understand and help however she can. If I am alone, I feel really bad for my parents. ;) Although this is a concern for me, I will make it through. I know this is what I want. I am not confused. Concerned about the single mom thing. Very. A child needs two parents. I feel that strongly. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball.
Why is it so frackin' hot in January?
I am definitely going to see Ruby next weekend.
I wrote ya'll a note in class. We'll see if I get around to scanning it.
OMG. Guess what! My 'skinny' jeans fit today. No shit! Down a size. Until my water-rentention sets in, anyway. I shall just enjoy the moment. I [heart] atkins. Yes, I will die if I continue it for very long, but I shall die happy and thin(ner). Whatevah. Cholesterol is not a problem I have. It seems one of the few! haha
I had a mini-breakdown yesterday. It was funky. I was talking to Suzy and Tracy and all the sudden I just started crying. I didn't feel anything, I just started crying. OY. Not good. I called Suzy and she was all, "WTF?! I've never heard of this!" Rachel had just said something to her a day or so ago about me being manic. I have a feeling the Dr. appt set me off a little. It is scary for me when I'm happy. I know that sounds stupid, but unless you are pretty familiar with manic-depressive, you probably don't know what I'm talking about. Complete fear. Fear of losing control, fear of making more mistakes. Fear of the depression that may follow. Happiness has never come without serious repercussions for me. (Shoot. I got up to get a tomato and forgot my thought process.) The happiness that I know right now terrifies me in a way. Don't get me wrong, I totally embrace it. I'm happy for it. I don't sit around wondering when the downswing will hit. I guess at that particular moment it hit me. I was telling Suzy, "Call Rachel and tell her to fix." I love all my friends. But I swear, Rach is the only one that gets this. If you get it, for Pete's sake, tell me. Because I feel all stupid and alone when it hits. OH, and let's not forget dramatic. Another of my trigger words.
Have I mentioned I really dig the new Sheryl Crow CD? I haven't listened to the words, but I really dig the groove. I replaced Rod Stewart with her. I'm sure I already said that. Sorry.
Hey, yo! Did I mention I'm going to see Gretchen Wilson in concert next week? She is da bomb, yo. I love her! I'm in some kind of country funk these days, but that is okay. I still know my true love is IG. I love them. And maybe one day I'll finish that scrapbook I started 6 years ago. Or maybe not.
Fading fast, folks. Xanax and LIIT. I have 3 more refills of xanax and none on Ambien, so I gotta chill on Ambien. I'll call the Dr. in a month or two and beg for more drugs. It'll be fun.
Somebody asked me the other day if I will be able to take my crazy meds when I'm trying to have children. The answer is no. No to the Trileptal, which is the miracle drugs of all drugs. The drug that keeps me from downward spirals and from razor blades. (Oh! That was dramatic. My bad.) I believe I can still take Prozac, but I won't. I know this isn't a bridge I need to cross now, but I think about it every single day. There's nothing to be done about it except enjoy every moment of happiness and peace I have now. Hopefully, I will not be alone, and my partner will understand and help however she can. If I am alone, I feel really bad for my parents. ;) Although this is a concern for me, I will make it through. I know this is what I want. I am not confused. Concerned about the single mom thing. Very. A child needs two parents. I feel that strongly. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball.
Why is it so frackin' hot in January?
I am definitely going to see Ruby next weekend.
Dawn, 10:05 PM
