Dawn's Digression.
Thursday, September 12, 2002
School was much better tonight. I didn't yawn nearly half as much. I really think this certificate thing is probably the best thing I've done for myself since....um....I'm not sure. Getting my own apartment? Anyway, even though I don't really like HR, it is where I am and I think the best thing I can do is become really good at what I do. And maybe someday I won't have to deal with people. Compensation is actually kind of interesting. There is some analyzing involved. I like that.
HIMT? I think it is so funny that at Target they sell Bic lighters with a free box of TicTacs. hehe. What are they trying to say? Let's see ~ what are most lighters used for? Candles or cigarettes. Cigarettes cause you to need TicTacs. Well, in my mind they do. I suppress a giggle everytime I see that package.
Michele is staying at a friend's house for the next two weeks and I have the joint to myself. I see lots of Dawndrinking, Dawnwriting, Dawnlisteningtomusic time. Very cool. Not that I won't miss her, but we know I love my quiet time. I get so frustrated with the sound of the tv. I am such a fan of silence. I seldom have noise for the sake of noise. And Michele must always have noise. This morning she even turned on the tv before she turned on the bedroom light. Perhaps that is what I will enjoy most. The quiet in the morning. I've actually gotten used to her Today Show. I even listen to it and make rude comments occasionally. But I just love the silence way too much.
BTW~ I got my otter books last Friday. OMG the pictures are so cute. Many pictures of baby Sea Otters. So cute. I'd love to be an otterologist. You know, if they existed and made more than $7 an hour after going to school for 8 years. Maybe when I get older and I can afford to do something I really love. How much do I need to save in my 401K to do something I really love by 50? OMG. Fifty. Let's talk about something else.
Let's talk about 30. Here's something I can't seem to get sympathy on. I am so fucking freaking out about 30. And I'm only 28. I just thought I'd be somewhere else is all. I was wrong. And now my timeline is fucked to hell and I'm at least five years behind my original plan. Not that I know anyone that stuck to their plan. Okay. That kind of puts it in perspective, I suppose. But, I suddenly feel rushed where less than a year ago, I felt no particular hurry. What's with that? *sigh* Mood swing, maybe? Hope so.
We're having dinner with one of M's friends from college. I'm actually excited about it. I like this friend of hers. Not sure why. She just has groovy energy. The thing is, that we don't have really any mutual friends except for one. We need a couple to hang out with. This woman isn't a couple, but I'm looking forward to having some conversation with her and getting to know her better. A~, I really wish we had a couple we both really like. We don't. Collectively we like people. We just don't have that connection that my ex and I had with a couple. I miss that a lot. My ex and I had a couple we hung out with all the time. We talked about everything with them, and both of us liked both of them. Bunches. We used to go on vacations together and everything. *sigh*
What else?
I really dislike that I live so far from my family. It sucks. They all live from 45 mintues to 1.5 hours from here. I know it isn't far. But I am hard-pressed to leave the house to even go to the store, much less drive for 3 hours. And TC is not all that great of a driving companion. She hates to drive. I just keep thinking about how close I used to be to some of them and how distant they seem now, and it makes me so sad. I'd never ask any of them to drive out here. It's just far. I'm the one that moved, after all. And why? For a woman. haha I just never made it back out that way. And the sad thing is, I'd rather be there. (There is Fort Worth. I live in a suburb of Dallas.) I love FTW. It's a cute little city where the people drive slower (it's maddening really) and the cultural district just rocks. And I called my grandmother the other day and she said, "Dawn, when am I going to see you again?" And then she reminded me of the time when I lived with her (I was about 13) and that I used to go in there at night and just talk to her for hours. She said I was the only one that did that with her. And it made me so sad. I haven't gone out there for the specific reason of visiting her for years. I suck. And I have no idea when I will take the time to drive out there and see her. That is so sorry. That woman pretty much raised me. She is the reason I have ever stopped to say "Good Morning" to the birds in the morning.
"I feel forsaken, you know, like the things I, I gave away" Amy Ray, Blood and Fire.
Oh. My. God. I just realized I don't feel like that anymore.
I think maybe I should quit drinking now. ;)
HIMT? I think it is so funny that at Target they sell Bic lighters with a free box of TicTacs. hehe. What are they trying to say? Let's see ~ what are most lighters used for? Candles or cigarettes. Cigarettes cause you to need TicTacs. Well, in my mind they do. I suppress a giggle everytime I see that package.
Michele is staying at a friend's house for the next two weeks and I have the joint to myself. I see lots of Dawndrinking, Dawnwriting, Dawnlisteningtomusic time. Very cool. Not that I won't miss her, but we know I love my quiet time. I get so frustrated with the sound of the tv. I am such a fan of silence. I seldom have noise for the sake of noise. And Michele must always have noise. This morning she even turned on the tv before she turned on the bedroom light. Perhaps that is what I will enjoy most. The quiet in the morning. I've actually gotten used to her Today Show. I even listen to it and make rude comments occasionally. But I just love the silence way too much.
BTW~ I got my otter books last Friday. OMG the pictures are so cute. Many pictures of baby Sea Otters. So cute. I'd love to be an otterologist. You know, if they existed and made more than $7 an hour after going to school for 8 years. Maybe when I get older and I can afford to do something I really love. How much do I need to save in my 401K to do something I really love by 50? OMG. Fifty. Let's talk about something else.
Let's talk about 30. Here's something I can't seem to get sympathy on. I am so fucking freaking out about 30. And I'm only 28. I just thought I'd be somewhere else is all. I was wrong. And now my timeline is fucked to hell and I'm at least five years behind my original plan. Not that I know anyone that stuck to their plan. Okay. That kind of puts it in perspective, I suppose. But, I suddenly feel rushed where less than a year ago, I felt no particular hurry. What's with that? *sigh* Mood swing, maybe? Hope so.
We're having dinner with one of M's friends from college. I'm actually excited about it. I like this friend of hers. Not sure why. She just has groovy energy. The thing is, that we don't have really any mutual friends except for one. We need a couple to hang out with. This woman isn't a couple, but I'm looking forward to having some conversation with her and getting to know her better. A~, I really wish we had a couple we both really like. We don't. Collectively we like people. We just don't have that connection that my ex and I had with a couple. I miss that a lot. My ex and I had a couple we hung out with all the time. We talked about everything with them, and both of us liked both of them. Bunches. We used to go on vacations together and everything. *sigh*
What else?
I really dislike that I live so far from my family. It sucks. They all live from 45 mintues to 1.5 hours from here. I know it isn't far. But I am hard-pressed to leave the house to even go to the store, much less drive for 3 hours. And TC is not all that great of a driving companion. She hates to drive. I just keep thinking about how close I used to be to some of them and how distant they seem now, and it makes me so sad. I'd never ask any of them to drive out here. It's just far. I'm the one that moved, after all. And why? For a woman. haha I just never made it back out that way. And the sad thing is, I'd rather be there. (There is Fort Worth. I live in a suburb of Dallas.) I love FTW. It's a cute little city where the people drive slower (it's maddening really) and the cultural district just rocks. And I called my grandmother the other day and she said, "Dawn, when am I going to see you again?" And then she reminded me of the time when I lived with her (I was about 13) and that I used to go in there at night and just talk to her for hours. She said I was the only one that did that with her. And it made me so sad. I haven't gone out there for the specific reason of visiting her for years. I suck. And I have no idea when I will take the time to drive out there and see her. That is so sorry. That woman pretty much raised me. She is the reason I have ever stopped to say "Good Morning" to the birds in the morning.
"I feel forsaken, you know, like the things I, I gave away" Amy Ray, Blood and Fire.
Oh. My. God. I just realized I don't feel like that anymore.
I think maybe I should quit drinking now. ;)
Dawn, 10:27 PM
