Dawn's Digression.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
I'm supposed to be working, but as usual I have very little interest in this right now.
This place is a mess. Ugh. I'm not quite sure how I'm working with it like this. Anyone that has worked in an office with me would be very surprised to see this. Papers everywhere. Actually just CRAP everywhere. I'm sure it would help if I had drawers. Or would it? I dunno. The entire apartment is actually on my nerves. Ugh. It's a pit. Completely unorganized.
I'm cranky. I've been cranky most of today, and actually I was quite a bit last week, too. If you've known me very long, you'd be impressed. I have been well-behaved despite my mood. I have yet to pick a fight with Tracy, which is nothing short of a miracle. I haven't gotten ticked off at any friends, thrown anything... Nothing.
I'm currently in the market for a therapist. I have a few things I need to hash out, and I just don't think talking to a friend is going to do it. I have awesome friends, but none that really *know* where I'm coming from when it comes to certain things. I need to be able to talk about how I feel without someone feeling the need to give advice or tell me everything is okay. I just need to talk. Not that my situation is special. I don't think that. I do wish, though, that I had someone to talk to who understands my conflicting emotions. I believe that if I can talk through it, I'll be more willing to let it go.
I got sooo mad at Michele the other day. So mad. What the hell, man? What the HELL? Alcohol? Oy. Was watching a movie the other day and there was a scene where one of the characters was detoxing. Of course, I could think about was watching that happen live. And just stuff that I won't blog about. I'm starting to remember some of the good things which is something I couldn't allow myself to do before. Remembering good things would have kept me there, and I shouldn't have stayed as long as I did. I'm going to struggle with this for a very long time, and that makes me angry. I'm ticked off that the ramifications of that relationship are going to effect future ones. It's not fair to the other person. I've found that I actually expect to be lied to or deceived. Do you remember that 'Faith' card I got awhile back? I'd say I'm using it. I remind myself all the time that I need to have faith. It helps. Anyway, I need to fix this. I cannot bring this kind of baggage into a new relationship. I mean, I'll always have the baggage, but I need to make sure I have a handle on it.
I'm sure as heck not lonely these days. I'm loving the time I'm spending with friends. I'm exhausted and need a week of vacation, but loving the company. For a long time, I've had friends that were impossible to get out of the house. Like me. Hah. Obviously my friends for a reason. I've been getting out with people more and I love it. Good for the psyche. ;)
I'm taking PTO on Friday. I have 500 million things to do and just can't get to them, so I figure I'll just take a day off and get it all taken care of. I imagine I'll feel pretty good once I've taken care of these annoying errands. Ugh. I also need to reorg my closet. It's time to switch out winter and summer clothes. Which reminds me.... I had to get dressed to go to a meeting today and realized I don't have any work clothes that fit. Everything is falling off. Okay, that is an exaggeration. But my clothes are big enough to look sloppy. I ended up wearing some pants I bought last year that I bought too small (they were really tight at the time) and a shirt that was 2 sizes too big. I gave my mom my summer suits last year, and I'm hoping I don't have to ask for them back. I'd feel really bad about that. Maybe I can at least borrow one of the suits.
Do you see that book in the margin? The one about mothers & daughters? My Tracy brought me that. Yeah, she's awesome. *sigh* ........... Anyhoo! I'm on page 60 something and have bookmarked a bunch of stuff to go back and read later. Tracy gave me a bookie and now I'm mad I used it for quotes and sayings instead of using it for baby info. I knew that would happen. This is why it takes me forever to write in new books. I knew I'd do that.
This place is a mess. Ugh. I'm not quite sure how I'm working with it like this. Anyone that has worked in an office with me would be very surprised to see this. Papers everywhere. Actually just CRAP everywhere. I'm sure it would help if I had drawers. Or would it? I dunno. The entire apartment is actually on my nerves. Ugh. It's a pit. Completely unorganized.
I'm cranky. I've been cranky most of today, and actually I was quite a bit last week, too. If you've known me very long, you'd be impressed. I have been well-behaved despite my mood. I have yet to pick a fight with Tracy, which is nothing short of a miracle. I haven't gotten ticked off at any friends, thrown anything... Nothing.
I'm currently in the market for a therapist. I have a few things I need to hash out, and I just don't think talking to a friend is going to do it. I have awesome friends, but none that really *know* where I'm coming from when it comes to certain things. I need to be able to talk about how I feel without someone feeling the need to give advice or tell me everything is okay. I just need to talk. Not that my situation is special. I don't think that. I do wish, though, that I had someone to talk to who understands my conflicting emotions. I believe that if I can talk through it, I'll be more willing to let it go.
I got sooo mad at Michele the other day. So mad. What the hell, man? What the HELL? Alcohol? Oy. Was watching a movie the other day and there was a scene where one of the characters was detoxing. Of course, I could think about was watching that happen live. And just stuff that I won't blog about. I'm starting to remember some of the good things which is something I couldn't allow myself to do before. Remembering good things would have kept me there, and I shouldn't have stayed as long as I did. I'm going to struggle with this for a very long time, and that makes me angry. I'm ticked off that the ramifications of that relationship are going to effect future ones. It's not fair to the other person. I've found that I actually expect to be lied to or deceived. Do you remember that 'Faith' card I got awhile back? I'd say I'm using it. I remind myself all the time that I need to have faith. It helps. Anyway, I need to fix this. I cannot bring this kind of baggage into a new relationship. I mean, I'll always have the baggage, but I need to make sure I have a handle on it.
I'm sure as heck not lonely these days. I'm loving the time I'm spending with friends. I'm exhausted and need a week of vacation, but loving the company. For a long time, I've had friends that were impossible to get out of the house. Like me. Hah. Obviously my friends for a reason. I've been getting out with people more and I love it. Good for the psyche. ;)
I'm taking PTO on Friday. I have 500 million things to do and just can't get to them, so I figure I'll just take a day off and get it all taken care of. I imagine I'll feel pretty good once I've taken care of these annoying errands. Ugh. I also need to reorg my closet. It's time to switch out winter and summer clothes. Which reminds me.... I had to get dressed to go to a meeting today and realized I don't have any work clothes that fit. Everything is falling off. Okay, that is an exaggeration. But my clothes are big enough to look sloppy. I ended up wearing some pants I bought last year that I bought too small (they were really tight at the time) and a shirt that was 2 sizes too big. I gave my mom my summer suits last year, and I'm hoping I don't have to ask for them back. I'd feel really bad about that. Maybe I can at least borrow one of the suits.
Do you see that book in the margin? The one about mothers & daughters? My Tracy brought me that. Yeah, she's awesome. *sigh* ........... Anyhoo! I'm on page 60 something and have bookmarked a bunch of stuff to go back and read later. Tracy gave me a bookie and now I'm mad I used it for quotes and sayings instead of using it for baby info. I knew that would happen. This is why it takes me forever to write in new books. I knew I'd do that.
Dawn, 10:21 PM
