Dawn's Digression.
Friday, November 11, 2005
Ramble
I had a really bad night. So you know what I did? I fucking turned it around. Can you believe it? I can’t. But I did. I’m not going to be the pathetic person I’ve been. Dammit.
I started having big time anxiety at school. It sucked. Suddenly, every noise in the classroom was exaggerated. I heard pages turning, pencils clicking for more lead, people typing. It was awful. I didn’t hear a word the prof said. I just heard noise. My heart was racing, palms sweating, shaking. Sucked. So I left. I was shaking while I was driving. I took my (un)happy ass to Target and bought what I needed and I came ‘home’. I needed headphones so I could lose myself in music and wine. And Xanax. I am so glad I’ve learned myself. A year or two ago, I wouldn’t have done that. The response would have been much unhealthier. Not that taking Xanax, my usual sedative and drinking wine is healthy, but for Pete’s sake, it is healthier than other road I’ve taken.
For some bizarre reason, I’m listening to country right now. Good gravy, I wish I could two step. Darn it. I made a CD a couple of years ago that clearly rocks. My boots have been under no bed, I can assure you.
So, anyway, this anxiety thing blew chunks. My chest was tight. It wasn’t the other attacks I had where I thought I was dying, but I could NOT sit there another cotton-pickin’ minute. I’m ready to put the anxiety to rest. Dawn tired.
A~, then I came home and IM’d Rachel and Suzy. I don’t guess I’ve mentioned how much I love them? ;)
Suzy and I are going to get contacts this weekend. I need a make over. I need to look different, even if it is just a couple of months. I’m going red. Can’t decide what color of eyes. And I want henna, too. I need to feel like a different person. Woo! I just need something to make the outside look as different as the inside, if that makes any sense. Does it?
OH! I have new Joss Stone lyrics for you. Let me find…
Hmm. I’m stuck on country right now. ??
I was just looking at Lauren Gifford’s website and it occurred to me that I might have to actually go to these musical events by myself. WTF? Not that Michele was good for this. Hardly. But. Hunh.
Darn this M@ary Ch@pin C@rpenter. I’m so stuck!
Dawn hungry. It’s 2am. No food for Dawn.
Melissa Ferrick in Houston 2/4. Yes, please.
Why am I now listening to The Cure? Do I need more wine? Hmmm. “Lovesong” reminds me of that guy from high school. If his picture wasn’t way in the other room, I would scan it for your amusement. I’m sorry, but he was hot in a St3phen B@ldwin kind of way. Only smart. Man, I love this song. I believe if you truly love someone, you will always love them. Maybe not it the exact same capacity. But you love them. I loved Jim. I lost him. I’ve looked and looked and I can’t find him. I hope he cares enough to find me someday. Such a gentleman. Even at 17. I spent the night with him one time in a twin bed. Nothing but cuddling. I’m such a sucker.
I wanna get my arms waxed. I hate my arm hairs. I swear, I’m like Sasquatch.
When I was a kid.... Isn’t any story that starts like that fun? Anyway, when I was 12 or 13, W~, I left to spend a few weeks in Europe with my grandparents. When I left my best friend was listening to Aerosmith and Ozzy. When I came back she was totally new wave. I thought my life was over. Never did make that transition.
That was random.
Not hungry. Ate almost a whole pack of Orbit.
Earphones = best purchase since the Lee Clip-On hair.
God help me, I love this song by Britney Spears. Toxic. *rolls eyes* Oy.
Okay, serious. Me go to bed. Uh oh. Another good song! Grrr.
I started having big time anxiety at school. It sucked. Suddenly, every noise in the classroom was exaggerated. I heard pages turning, pencils clicking for more lead, people typing. It was awful. I didn’t hear a word the prof said. I just heard noise. My heart was racing, palms sweating, shaking. Sucked. So I left. I was shaking while I was driving. I took my (un)happy ass to Target and bought what I needed and I came ‘home’. I needed headphones so I could lose myself in music and wine. And Xanax. I am so glad I’ve learned myself. A year or two ago, I wouldn’t have done that. The response would have been much unhealthier. Not that taking Xanax, my usual sedative and drinking wine is healthy, but for Pete’s sake, it is healthier than other road I’ve taken.
For some bizarre reason, I’m listening to country right now. Good gravy, I wish I could two step. Darn it. I made a CD a couple of years ago that clearly rocks. My boots have been under no bed, I can assure you.
So, anyway, this anxiety thing blew chunks. My chest was tight. It wasn’t the other attacks I had where I thought I was dying, but I could NOT sit there another cotton-pickin’ minute. I’m ready to put the anxiety to rest. Dawn tired.
A~, then I came home and IM’d Rachel and Suzy. I don’t guess I’ve mentioned how much I love them? ;)
Suzy and I are going to get contacts this weekend. I need a make over. I need to look different, even if it is just a couple of months. I’m going red. Can’t decide what color of eyes. And I want henna, too. I need to feel like a different person. Woo! I just need something to make the outside look as different as the inside, if that makes any sense. Does it?
OH! I have new Joss Stone lyrics for you. Let me find…
Hmm. I’m stuck on country right now. ??
I was just looking at Lauren Gifford’s website and it occurred to me that I might have to actually go to these musical events by myself. WTF? Not that Michele was good for this. Hardly. But. Hunh.
Darn this M@ary Ch@pin C@rpenter. I’m so stuck!
Dawn hungry. It’s 2am. No food for Dawn.
Melissa Ferrick in Houston 2/4. Yes, please.
Why am I now listening to The Cure? Do I need more wine? Hmmm. “Lovesong” reminds me of that guy from high school. If his picture wasn’t way in the other room, I would scan it for your amusement. I’m sorry, but he was hot in a St3phen B@ldwin kind of way. Only smart. Man, I love this song. I believe if you truly love someone, you will always love them. Maybe not it the exact same capacity. But you love them. I loved Jim. I lost him. I’ve looked and looked and I can’t find him. I hope he cares enough to find me someday. Such a gentleman. Even at 17. I spent the night with him one time in a twin bed. Nothing but cuddling. I’m such a sucker.
I wanna get my arms waxed. I hate my arm hairs. I swear, I’m like Sasquatch.
When I was a kid.... Isn’t any story that starts like that fun? Anyway, when I was 12 or 13, W~, I left to spend a few weeks in Europe with my grandparents. When I left my best friend was listening to Aerosmith and Ozzy. When I came back she was totally new wave. I thought my life was over. Never did make that transition.
That was random.
Not hungry. Ate almost a whole pack of Orbit.
Earphones = best purchase since the Lee Clip-On hair.
God help me, I love this song by Britney Spears. Toxic. *rolls eyes* Oy.
Okay, serious. Me go to bed. Uh oh. Another good song! Grrr.
Dawn, 3:08 AM
