Dawn's Digression.
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
Bless you, Honey(Melody[for comment]).
I can't even tell you how frustrated I am with my whole computing experience.
My computer at home is making me crazy. Today it wouldn't recognize my modem OR my CD-ROM. Then I bit into a peanut and it hurt my teeth. You know, the ones that need crowns that will cost me $600. Sorry to be crazy right now. I'm just overwhelmed with things I need to pay for. I'm sick of being broke. It never ends.
I remember back in the day I knew all kinds of things about computers. I even used to hack in to Ruby's computer at her house from my house. It's pathetic how far I haven't come. :( I guess I'm going to HAVE to call Renee Spice and have her come over and look at these computers. I'll never ever ever have money to upgrade. I am so frustrated. I don't know when I will ever get ahead. There's no reason to point out that I didn't HAVE to do all this reception stuff, because I know. But there is nothing I can do about it now except enjoy the night. But I am beat down, ladies. Beat. Down.
Tonight I was putting pictures in the picture album for the reception. Then I realized I had Avon returns to tend to. As I was dealing with that, I found my UTD financial aid paperwork I had forgotten all about. This was right after I realized I got the wrong size of reprints for our photo collage.
I am thinking (still or again) I need to go get a part time job. I just SO don't want to. This is my last couple of months until school starts for, you know, the next 5 years, and I would like to enjoy what is left of my free time. No dice. It fucking sucks. I had to borrow money from the Bank of Michele for the truck (don't bother getting into the 'you're married, she should pay for it' shit...see Wednesday's post if you need any insight).
I was going to upgrade to MSN Messenger 6.0 today because it rocks, but I can't log in at at least 33.6, so I can't upgrade. Can you believe it? 33.6 and I can't log in at that. Right now I am logged in at 16.8, which is typical. I think it is the phone line here. *sigh* I have no idea why I'm complaining about this. It is so trivial. Trivial things make me weary. Even when I know they are trivial.
Oh, I have something else for you. I went to the doctor two weeks ago regarding the Paxil. I had a bad couple of weeks. I was in a poopy mood that day. I told the doctor it wasn't working and that I was moody, I had gained 5 pounds in a month (that's true), and that I wasn't sleeping (also true). He referred me to a psychiatrist. That did not make me happy because all a psychiatrist wants to do is push pills down your throat. Although I take pills, it doesn't mean I think it is the 'correct' way to go. It was my quick fix. So, I call the psychiatrist. He can see me in December. Okay. Except my PCP only gave me enough Paxil to last me 4 weeks. That was 2 weeks ago. My insurance does not cover Paxil because it is a 'step two' drug. I can't afford the $80 a month. I just can't right now. So, I call the doctor, tell him the deal. He finally called me back and left a message today. So, now I have to get off the Paxil. A friend of mine told me she had a nasty time of it when she went off the Paxil. Cool beans. Just what I need. *sigh* My doctor wants me to see a psychologist as well. I'm mostly okay with that. I love to spill my guts. Makes me feel good. My only issue with it is that a close friend of mine has been going, and it has brought up a lot of drama in her life. Do I seem like I need more drama? I think not. But I do so enjoy talking about myself. And that concerns me.
I have noticed the past year or so, that I seem to direct conversations back to me. I hate when I do that. Sometimes I think I am trying to relate the other person's experience to one I've had. Other times I just think I'm self-centered. I am sick of my self-centeredness. I have found myself forgetting all kinds of important things. Example: I haven't talked to Ruby in two weeks, haven't e-mailed Chulie in about as long, and I have no idea how Melody is doing with her classes. I just don't ask. I suck. One more week. One more week. One more week.
And then what? What will change? Suddenly it will be 'after the reception'. That time I assigned to catch up on all things I haven't been paying attention to. Riiiiiiight.
I can't even tell you how frustrated I am with my whole computing experience.
My computer at home is making me crazy. Today it wouldn't recognize my modem OR my CD-ROM. Then I bit into a peanut and it hurt my teeth. You know, the ones that need crowns that will cost me $600. Sorry to be crazy right now. I'm just overwhelmed with things I need to pay for. I'm sick of being broke. It never ends.
I remember back in the day I knew all kinds of things about computers. I even used to hack in to Ruby's computer at her house from my house. It's pathetic how far I haven't come. :( I guess I'm going to HAVE to call Renee Spice and have her come over and look at these computers. I'll never ever ever have money to upgrade. I am so frustrated. I don't know when I will ever get ahead. There's no reason to point out that I didn't HAVE to do all this reception stuff, because I know. But there is nothing I can do about it now except enjoy the night. But I am beat down, ladies. Beat. Down.
Tonight I was putting pictures in the picture album for the reception. Then I realized I had Avon returns to tend to. As I was dealing with that, I found my UTD financial aid paperwork I had forgotten all about. This was right after I realized I got the wrong size of reprints for our photo collage.
I am thinking (still or again) I need to go get a part time job. I just SO don't want to. This is my last couple of months until school starts for, you know, the next 5 years, and I would like to enjoy what is left of my free time. No dice. It fucking sucks. I had to borrow money from the Bank of Michele for the truck (don't bother getting into the 'you're married, she should pay for it' shit...see Wednesday's post if you need any insight).
I was going to upgrade to MSN Messenger 6.0 today because it rocks, but I can't log in at at least 33.6, so I can't upgrade. Can you believe it? 33.6 and I can't log in at that. Right now I am logged in at 16.8, which is typical. I think it is the phone line here. *sigh* I have no idea why I'm complaining about this. It is so trivial. Trivial things make me weary. Even when I know they are trivial.
Oh, I have something else for you. I went to the doctor two weeks ago regarding the Paxil. I had a bad couple of weeks. I was in a poopy mood that day. I told the doctor it wasn't working and that I was moody, I had gained 5 pounds in a month (that's true), and that I wasn't sleeping (also true). He referred me to a psychiatrist. That did not make me happy because all a psychiatrist wants to do is push pills down your throat. Although I take pills, it doesn't mean I think it is the 'correct' way to go. It was my quick fix. So, I call the psychiatrist. He can see me in December. Okay. Except my PCP only gave me enough Paxil to last me 4 weeks. That was 2 weeks ago. My insurance does not cover Paxil because it is a 'step two' drug. I can't afford the $80 a month. I just can't right now. So, I call the doctor, tell him the deal. He finally called me back and left a message today. So, now I have to get off the Paxil. A friend of mine told me she had a nasty time of it when she went off the Paxil. Cool beans. Just what I need. *sigh* My doctor wants me to see a psychologist as well. I'm mostly okay with that. I love to spill my guts. Makes me feel good. My only issue with it is that a close friend of mine has been going, and it has brought up a lot of drama in her life. Do I seem like I need more drama? I think not. But I do so enjoy talking about myself. And that concerns me.
I have noticed the past year or so, that I seem to direct conversations back to me. I hate when I do that. Sometimes I think I am trying to relate the other person's experience to one I've had. Other times I just think I'm self-centered. I am sick of my self-centeredness. I have found myself forgetting all kinds of important things. Example: I haven't talked to Ruby in two weeks, haven't e-mailed Chulie in about as long, and I have no idea how Melody is doing with her classes. I just don't ask. I suck. One more week. One more week. One more week.
And then what? What will change? Suddenly it will be 'after the reception'. That time I assigned to catch up on all things I haven't been paying attention to. Riiiiiiight.
Dawn, 9:42 PM
