Dawn's Digression.
Monday, June 16, 2003
I have been in a bad mood for days. Last night I got really weepy. I was talking about going to the movies, and I mentioned that I wanted to go to a midnight movie and Michele was all, "Well, have fun."
When did I get so damn old? I mean, really. Is going to a midnight movie that terribly out of the question? Is it really? I've always been lame, and I've accepted that. But it bugs the crap out of me that I'm even lamer now than I was before. Who would have thought that was possible? I just feel like all the fun is over. And I forgot to have fun when I should have. I've always been a home body. I don't have any exciting stories to tell. Nothing. And now I'm going to get married, and really kiss any chance of wild craziness goodbye forever. What the hell? Just because I'm getting married doesn't mean I can't have fun. But I feel like it does. Everything is so mundane. I ask on Mondays what meetings she has that week. Then it is the weekend and we run errands and then go to the softball fields. She falls asleep on the couch. I am bored and lonely. Even with everything going on with us, I'm bored. I'm sick of coming to this job every day. I like where I sit and the people I sit with, I just don't like what I do. And I don't know how to make any career changes because there is nothing I want to do. Nothing sounds fun.
I have been picking on Michele non-stop. The poor thing can't do a damned thing right. She pisses me off even when she's not doing anything. You know, because she's not doing anything. I am being so overly critical, and I just can't make myself knock it off. I'm quite irritating. And irritable. I think I really need a vacation, but first of all, I don't have any vacation days, and second, I have no money. Let's not even get me started on that topic. I am incredibly unhappy. Maybe I just need some sunshine. Perhaps I should pick up some Midol at the store.
When did I get so damn old? I mean, really. Is going to a midnight movie that terribly out of the question? Is it really? I've always been lame, and I've accepted that. But it bugs the crap out of me that I'm even lamer now than I was before. Who would have thought that was possible? I just feel like all the fun is over. And I forgot to have fun when I should have. I've always been a home body. I don't have any exciting stories to tell. Nothing. And now I'm going to get married, and really kiss any chance of wild craziness goodbye forever. What the hell? Just because I'm getting married doesn't mean I can't have fun. But I feel like it does. Everything is so mundane. I ask on Mondays what meetings she has that week. Then it is the weekend and we run errands and then go to the softball fields. She falls asleep on the couch. I am bored and lonely. Even with everything going on with us, I'm bored. I'm sick of coming to this job every day. I like where I sit and the people I sit with, I just don't like what I do. And I don't know how to make any career changes because there is nothing I want to do. Nothing sounds fun.
I have been picking on Michele non-stop. The poor thing can't do a damned thing right. She pisses me off even when she's not doing anything. You know, because she's not doing anything. I am being so overly critical, and I just can't make myself knock it off. I'm quite irritating. And irritable. I think I really need a vacation, but first of all, I don't have any vacation days, and second, I have no money. Let's not even get me started on that topic. I am incredibly unhappy. Maybe I just need some sunshine. Perhaps I should pick up some Midol at the store.
Dawn, 2:05 PM
