Dawn's Digression.

I hope your Valentine's Day was as good as mine. But, to be honest, I seriously doubt it. :)

I had a really nice Valentine's Day. We had a nice time at Cirque Du Soleil. Michele seemed to really enjoy it and says she would like to go again before it leaves Dallas. I think she enjoyed it a lot more than I did. I liked it, I'm just incredibly hard to impress. I hate that about myself. Not much really blows me away. But it was cool. And I really enjoyed the music. Michele bought the CD, but it drives us crazy because we can't remember what was happening during each song. Another reason she says we have to go see it again. After Cirque, I wasn't ready to go home, yet. We were having a really nice time, and I just know from experience, that once you walk in the front door, it's back to the grind. So, we went out to eat. We went to this Italian place where we went to lunch the first time we were ever alone together. We both had the lasagna, which I happen to remember is what we had for lunch that day, too. Then we went home and exchanged our gifts. She hid my gifts around the house and made me hunt for them. Big meanie. :) Then I gave her my boring and lame present. It was pajama bottoms. They were an impulse buy. And she needed them. And yes, I realize this is not a real Valentine's Day gift, but I'm going to feel bad later (meaning I'm not going to feel bad, EVER). She got flowers, Cirque, a crossword, and a week of Strawberry Shortcake valentines. She was fine. Anyway, the pants didn't fit right. She likes elastic around the bottom of the legs, which, if I had paid any attention, I would have already known.
She actually made my present. I took a picture of it, thinking I might post it, but I don't think I can bring myself to do so. She put a lot of effort and emotion into it, and I think I'd like to keep it for myself. She found a quote that she liked, in Corinthians, and framed it for me. It's so sweet, ya'll. What is so funny about her picking that particular passage is that when my aunt and uncle got married, I remember the passage being recited during the vows, and I was incredibly touched by the words then. I remember thinking that was something I wanted said at my wedding. And The Muffin pulls out of nowhere, the verbiage I would like to have in my wedding. Is that a sign? It probably is. And to tell you the truth, it pretty much terrified me. I think that it really bothers Michele that her gift to me didn't make me cry. Put some stupid episode of Little House on, and I'll cry. But she goes through all this trouble, gives me this incredibly touching gift, and she gets nothing. I just sat there and stared at it.

I think I'm just terrified. This relationship went a place I never meant for it to go. I'm not saying this is a bad thing. I'm saying maybe I wasn't and I'm not prepared for it. Every time the topic of marriage comes up, I freeze. I'm a little gun shy. You know, I once thought I had found the person I was going to marry. Matter of fact, I considered myself married. There was never a ceremony, but ... A~. My point is, it didn't work out. And I don't know that I trust that anything will work out. Poor Michele is getting the butt end of this deal. I went through a little phase a few months ago where I was fine with this. And somehow I got spooked again. If anyone has a pointer on getting past this little issue, please feel free to let me know. I just told myself this relationship was temporary, and I think maybe it isn't.