Dawn's Digression.

I am an emotional train wreck today. It's awful. It all started on the way in to work. I was listening to Kidd Kraddick and he played that stupid "Butterfly Kisses" song. And for some stupid reason, it made me cry. Then I had a conference call at 9:30, which I had the hardest time staying awake during. Then, someone in another department, whom I usually get along very well with, was poopy to me.
I've just been wanting to cry all day. For no apparent reason. I've actually been like this a few days. Very touchy. I picked a couple of fights with my Muffin this weekend, just for the joy of it, it seems. The poor thing had no idea it was coming. Sunday afternoon I was in a mood I haven't been in for years. I thought I had kicked that personality trait, but it seems it is still there. I became very agitated and aggressive and didn't know how to get it to stop. I couldn't decide if I wanted to cry or hit someone. Or both. So, I went to find my muffin. She was in her room putting up laundry or something. I made her give me a hug and I told her, "I'm going to be a bitch. If I yell at you, come over and give me a hug. You won't want to, but do it, and it will make me stop." She was so cute about it. She asked if I was okay and what was wrong, but of course I had nothing to tell her. And ya know, right after I said that and she hugged me I felt better. Still cranky, but not quite as angry.
Is it not amazing what a hug will do? And why did it take me so long to figure that out? I recognized it a couple of years ago. I get SO angry...just completely worked up. But if someone will hug me, I'll melt. I'll most likely cry, but at least I won't be mean to you for awhile.
I need to find out what inside of me is angry or upset right now. This behavior is not acceptable. I can't think of anything that is going on to cause me to be such a baby/bitch. I really can't. Work is fine. Not in school. Michele is nice. My friends are mostly okay. I've been exercising. I'm TRYing to stay on my diet... Who knows.