Dawn's Digression.
Wednesday, July 17, 2002
Tonight I miss my kitty friends. We were sitting on the couch and Ally and Boo were sitting side-by-side looking out the front door, and I thought "All that is missing is my Nut". I miss my kitty. Maybe it is silly. I dunno. I just know that miss her biscuits. Then I thought I miss LeChat. Maybe it is just my drama coming out. I need something to be sad about. Not that I don't have anything, mind you. I can come up with anything, sure as the world. Just give me a chance.
I just miss things. I don't know how to describe it to you. My life is not what it was. More importantly, I am not what I was. Not that that is all a bad thing. I'm not saying that. I've started taking a larger responsibility for my life. It just seems like ... maybe I've sold out. My fear. That I'd sell out. That was the one New Year's resolution that I hoped I'd keep. It's the most important thing. Being true to yourself. Being who you are. And maybe that would be a bit easier if I was 100% certain who that person is.
I think I'm gonna have to start doing 'song of the day'. Reason being that otherwise I seem to have nothing intellegent to say.
I've been bad. I had sleeping pills the last two nights in a row. Tonight I have had the equivalent of a bottle of wine and I want another. (pill, that is). No. We don't do that. I already broke my 'not two nights in a row' rule. What's the deal? All I can tell you is that I wanted a pill at 2 o'clock this afternoon. And it wasn't even a bad day. All the more reason not to have one tonight. I won't. Because I drank. I am quite careful with my pills/alcohol combinations.
BTW~I haven't taken a Tylenol PM since Jan 2000. I still honor that commitment. I don't know why I feel like I still need to keep that promise, but I made it to someone...and no matter how many times I see it at the store and want it, I refuse to buy it. I promised.
I just miss things. I don't know how to describe it to you. My life is not what it was. More importantly, I am not what I was. Not that that is all a bad thing. I'm not saying that. I've started taking a larger responsibility for my life. It just seems like ... maybe I've sold out. My fear. That I'd sell out. That was the one New Year's resolution that I hoped I'd keep. It's the most important thing. Being true to yourself. Being who you are. And maybe that would be a bit easier if I was 100% certain who that person is.
I think I'm gonna have to start doing 'song of the day'. Reason being that otherwise I seem to have nothing intellegent to say.
I've been bad. I had sleeping pills the last two nights in a row. Tonight I have had the equivalent of a bottle of wine and I want another. (pill, that is). No. We don't do that. I already broke my 'not two nights in a row' rule. What's the deal? All I can tell you is that I wanted a pill at 2 o'clock this afternoon. And it wasn't even a bad day. All the more reason not to have one tonight. I won't. Because I drank. I am quite careful with my pills/alcohol combinations.
BTW~I haven't taken a Tylenol PM since Jan 2000. I still honor that commitment. I don't know why I feel like I still need to keep that promise, but I made it to someone...and no matter how many times I see it at the store and want it, I refuse to buy it. I promised.
Dawn, 9:25 PM
