Dawn's Digression.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
I Had A Good Night...
First of all, I spent all day in strategic meetings. Then, after putting my foot in my mouth in a very obvious way, I went on to school for a final. Let's just say I will pass out from shock if I make a 'B' on the test. So, I'm feeling like a fat, stupid loser. Not necessarily out of the ordinary.
As I walked through the parking lot at school, I saw a happy little bunny hopping across the grassy area by the "creek" (otherwise known as storm drain). Suddenly, I no longer felt the need to slit my wrists. I just think, "What a happy bunny!". Then I went to pick up a co-worker in town from CA so we can hang out. I just got home and it's almost midnight. This is a good thing because it means I hung out with someone and didn't care what time it was. Neither of us was looking at our watch the whole time and thinking about why we needed leave. (Granted, she just needed to get back to her hotel room...not like she was going home to her boyfriend or pets or anything.) At any rate, it was nice to have someone to hang out with that didn't put restrictions on stuff. Lately, I've had a hard time getting together with friends, and it bugs the crap out of me. I've finally given up on making plans with most people I know. And it's not like it is one particular friend. Two of my friends are pregnant. They have other things on their mind besides going out to dinner with me. That's okay. I guess. It still sends a message that whatever is happening with them is more important than spending time with me, but it IS. I should be so lucky. But in the meantime, I get a little bored. Last week's activity was going to Rachel and Suzy's for dinner. It was really nice. The week before I went to A&M with Mom. I think getting out of the house and connecting with people occasionally is really important, and I'm really wanting to form friendships with others who are interested in doing the same. It's just so hard to make friends. Especially when you're not all that friendly. It's a little obnoxious.
Anyway, I am also happy because some more of my contacts LinkedIn. This makes me happy. Woo! :)
I'm really stuck on this Amy Ray song, Covered For You. If anyone felt so inclined, they could dl it from Amazon under her new CD Prom that I still can't decide if I'm going to buy.
My other current musical obsession is Melissa Ferrick. My lyric of the moment is from her song Freedom.
"Sadness finds its way onto me.
On any given day
and I just end up
feeling guilty
and I don’t know how many times i’ve told you
I do not know how I
ended up this way
it’s as if sometimes I have just halted
I stop dead in my tracks
life it just seems to cover me
and it’s in these moments
that I feel trapped"
Sorry for posting lyrics. I hate when people do that, and honestly, I usually don't read them, so I'm really just posting for me I guess. As if that makes sense. I know that I've mentioned it already, but that darn depression keeps creeping up on me. It's so bizarre because it seems to come out of the blue and irritates me beyond belief. Seems so idiotic to have such issues when I am so much more blessed than others out there. Feels egocentric and just plain old wrong. (Speaking of wrong, I'm still not over Amy Ray in the dress w/the tattoo.)
Oh, in more bad day news...the class I was totally looking forward to for fall, Children's Literature is full. :( Now I'm not sure what I'm going to take. I suppose I'll just check back a few times a day for the next 3 months to see if someone drops it. That was fitting really nicely in my degree plan.
At any rate, I saw a bunny hopping and shared a bread pudding with a friend. Sometimes it really is the little things that count.
