Dawn's Digression.
Wednesday, January 22, 2003
I am completely tired and unmotivated.
Are you ever driving, say, to work...the route you've driven 1,000 times before, and suddenly focus your eyes and not know where you are? I do it all the time. I'll be thinking about Godknowswhat on my way home, and suddenly I'm jolted back to current times, and I have no idea how long I've driven or where I'm at. I have to wait for the next exit sign to see where I am. I assume everyone does that. If you do, please leave a comment. I really need to know I haven't lost it.
Another thing I do...and I assume you all do, too. Sometimes on the drive in to work, the impulse hits me just to keep driving...just go where ever my little purple truck will take me. I love to drive. Give me an Indigo Girls CD and a set of wheels and I'm good. I can drive for about 4 hours before I get restless and need a change....but I tend to really space out when I drive.
I'm having issues writing things that make sense. I remember a couple of years ago, I would write these long rambling emails, and although they didn't always make sense, they were at least, mildly entertaining at times. I don't know what has happened with that. I guess part of it is that I simply don't have the time to write anymore at work. Another thing is that the more I write, the more I think. And when I think...it just gets messy. It is best sometimes to just exist. Thinking is somewhat over-rated. And I hate that I say that. But the fact is, I seem to be happier when I just go through the motions. I know it is no way to live. I do. But I have to do what I have to do to make it through each day. Last night I decided I would write in my journal since it had been a couple of weeks. I felt mostly fine. A little removed, but fine. Then I start thinking...and writing... and suddenly, all these feelings I didn't even know I have come up. I swear, I just pull shit out of my ass sometimes. (Figuratively, of course!) I think I am a real beating to deal with at times. Okay, most times. You just don't know what you're going to get. And I hate that about myself. But again, I just try to get through things one day at a time...and if going through the motions is how I have to do it, so be it.
Are you ever driving, say, to work...the route you've driven 1,000 times before, and suddenly focus your eyes and not know where you are? I do it all the time. I'll be thinking about Godknowswhat on my way home, and suddenly I'm jolted back to current times, and I have no idea how long I've driven or where I'm at. I have to wait for the next exit sign to see where I am. I assume everyone does that. If you do, please leave a comment. I really need to know I haven't lost it.
Another thing I do...and I assume you all do, too. Sometimes on the drive in to work, the impulse hits me just to keep driving...just go where ever my little purple truck will take me. I love to drive. Give me an Indigo Girls CD and a set of wheels and I'm good. I can drive for about 4 hours before I get restless and need a change....but I tend to really space out when I drive.
I'm having issues writing things that make sense. I remember a couple of years ago, I would write these long rambling emails, and although they didn't always make sense, they were at least, mildly entertaining at times. I don't know what has happened with that. I guess part of it is that I simply don't have the time to write anymore at work. Another thing is that the more I write, the more I think. And when I think...it just gets messy. It is best sometimes to just exist. Thinking is somewhat over-rated. And I hate that I say that. But the fact is, I seem to be happier when I just go through the motions. I know it is no way to live. I do. But I have to do what I have to do to make it through each day. Last night I decided I would write in my journal since it had been a couple of weeks. I felt mostly fine. A little removed, but fine. Then I start thinking...and writing... and suddenly, all these feelings I didn't even know I have come up. I swear, I just pull shit out of my ass sometimes. (Figuratively, of course!) I think I am a real beating to deal with at times. Okay, most times. You just don't know what you're going to get. And I hate that about myself. But again, I just try to get through things one day at a time...and if going through the motions is how I have to do it, so be it.
Dawn, 4:33 PM
