Dawn's Digression.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Oh, the DRAMA!
I hurt, Kind Friend.
Hurt.
Thank goodness I went to see Rent alone. I am not okay right now.
I sat there watching the movie and I had to ask myself a question:
Did I betray Michele by leaving her? Did I? Did I bail because it got hard? Why did it matter so much what was good for me when I made a commitment to her? This doesn't make sense. I thought I was a good friend and wife. Maybe I am not. Maybe I don't have the grit. I talk about how she betrayed me...but what about the other way around? Who the heck leaves someone when they are sick? It's not like she was beating me.
Driving home, I could barely see because I was crying so hard.... I am thinking a need to phone a friend to distract me. But which one? Which one understands how I feel right now? *throws hands up*
I almost want to call and ask Mich if I betrayed her. I'm pretty sure it is only because I think she would say no. So. Hmm. I maybe need to get myself to an al-anon meeting, but I HATE THEM. Or maybe I should just go sit in front of the TV and try not to cry so much. Maybe I should throw in the towel on this night and just go to bed.
What I want to do is take a xanax and drink. The problem is, I think I need to let myself feel this so I can move past it. Masking it isn't going to help. But God. I hurt.
Hurt.
Thank goodness I went to see Rent alone. I am not okay right now.
I sat there watching the movie and I had to ask myself a question:
Did I betray Michele by leaving her? Did I? Did I bail because it got hard? Why did it matter so much what was good for me when I made a commitment to her? This doesn't make sense. I thought I was a good friend and wife. Maybe I am not. Maybe I don't have the grit. I talk about how she betrayed me...but what about the other way around? Who the heck leaves someone when they are sick? It's not like she was beating me.
Driving home, I could barely see because I was crying so hard.... I am thinking a need to phone a friend to distract me. But which one? Which one understands how I feel right now? *throws hands up*
I almost want to call and ask Mich if I betrayed her. I'm pretty sure it is only because I think she would say no. So. Hmm. I maybe need to get myself to an al-anon meeting, but I HATE THEM. Or maybe I should just go sit in front of the TV and try not to cry so much. Maybe I should throw in the towel on this night and just go to bed.
What I want to do is take a xanax and drink. The problem is, I think I need to let myself feel this so I can move past it. Masking it isn't going to help. But God. I hurt.
Dawn, 6:41 PM
