Dawn's Digression.
Friday, October 31, 2003
I was thinking about Caramia on the way in to work this morning. (That is an Indigo Girls song from Shaming of the Sun, btw) There are a couple of lines in that song that I just love. The one I think about a lot is:
"I've forgotten my lines
and I've misplaced my cues
and there's a sea full of faces
and a show to go on
but I'm struck mute at entrance
with nothing to draw from"
I know Emily is likely talking about her experiences on stage, but the analogy can be drawn to life as well. Do you ever feel like you have a show to perform and people are watching, but you've forgotten what you need to go through it? Good lord, I do.
What made me think about Caramia was Break Up Song, by Melissa Ferrick..."'I'm tired of faking, 'Cause I've been faking it for years..."
A~, being around people beats me down sometimes. Especially when I'm not in my element. I always feel like I have to be a certain way. Even if I don't know what they way is. I've always felt like that, though. So it's almost as if my ingenuity has become what I am. And what I am isn't all that bad, so I reckon it's alright. Right before I walked in to the reception Saturday, I said, "Game On." Mom just kinda looked at me weird. But that's what I meant... "Off I go to perform!"
Sometimes I hear my voice, and I feel my mouth moving, but it feels like someone else is talking. Like I can't believe the voice I hear is my own. Sometimes I'm just saying what I need to say because someone expects to hear something. And because it is the right thing to say. Honestly, if I said what I was thinking most of the time, I doubt anyone would want to talk with me at all! Then I think that is probably part of being an adult. Saying what you are supposed to say and not what you want to say. That's what grown ups do. Being a grown up really bites sometimes. I'd like to just stare at people blankly when they tell me a story. If I have nothing to say, I just want to sit there. Or maybe play Bookworm on the computer. Something like that.
Jennifer and I are looking at baby names. Emily was the #1 name in 2002. :( How can I name my (pretend) baby Emily, if that's the most popular name? I can't. That would be bad and wrong. She'd be in a class full of Emilys and Jacobs. Jacob was my other name. :( Also #1. Figures. *sigh*
"I've forgotten my lines
and I've misplaced my cues
and there's a sea full of faces
and a show to go on
but I'm struck mute at entrance
with nothing to draw from"
I know Emily is likely talking about her experiences on stage, but the analogy can be drawn to life as well. Do you ever feel like you have a show to perform and people are watching, but you've forgotten what you need to go through it? Good lord, I do.
What made me think about Caramia was Break Up Song, by Melissa Ferrick..."'I'm tired of faking, 'Cause I've been faking it for years..."
A~, being around people beats me down sometimes. Especially when I'm not in my element. I always feel like I have to be a certain way. Even if I don't know what they way is. I've always felt like that, though. So it's almost as if my ingenuity has become what I am. And what I am isn't all that bad, so I reckon it's alright. Right before I walked in to the reception Saturday, I said, "Game On." Mom just kinda looked at me weird. But that's what I meant... "Off I go to perform!"
Sometimes I hear my voice, and I feel my mouth moving, but it feels like someone else is talking. Like I can't believe the voice I hear is my own. Sometimes I'm just saying what I need to say because someone expects to hear something. And because it is the right thing to say. Honestly, if I said what I was thinking most of the time, I doubt anyone would want to talk with me at all! Then I think that is probably part of being an adult. Saying what you are supposed to say and not what you want to say. That's what grown ups do. Being a grown up really bites sometimes. I'd like to just stare at people blankly when they tell me a story. If I have nothing to say, I just want to sit there. Or maybe play Bookworm on the computer. Something like that.
Jennifer and I are looking at baby names. Emily was the #1 name in 2002. :( How can I name my (pretend) baby Emily, if that's the most popular name? I can't. That would be bad and wrong. She'd be in a class full of Emilys and Jacobs. Jacob was my other name. :( Also #1. Figures. *sigh*
Dawn, 10:11 AM
